February 24, 2026
It is a great challenge to be a good person in these difficult times. The culture today seldom supports it. Instead, the political, business, and media worlds often support the opposite — encouraging everyone to get as much wealth and power as they can, while anger, scorn, or outrage are becoming all too common as the first response for dealing with anyone who has a different point of view.
Concern for the feelings of others? How naïve!
Why, then, make an effort to be a good person in such times as these?
The best answer I know is that countless wise men and women through the ages have insisted that wealth and power lead, not to fulfillment, but to disillusionment and dissatisfaction, to a continual quest to get more and more and more of the things that do not provide true satisfaction. The wisest among us have repeatedly advised that making an effort to be considerate and kind, to respect the feelings and beliefs of others, and to help those who are in need are the essential ingredients for a fulfilling life.
The Buddha, who left behind a kingdom, wealth, and power to find a life that brought true fulfillment, put it very poetically:
The ocean, the king of mountains, and the mighty continents;
Are not heavy burdens to bear,
when compared to the burden
of not repaying the world’s kindness.
Confucius, the most important teacher in Chinese history, made becoming a good person with the qualities of benevolence, character, humaneness, and compassion the cornerstone of his teaching. The Tao Te Ching, central to Chinese thought for thousands of years, is filled with wise counsel concerning the importance of compassion, humility, and frugality, and has this to say: “Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in giving creates love.”
Jesus, during his forty days in the desert, was tempted to settle for wealth, fame, and power, but chose to turn his back on them, and in his most famous sermon made clear the benefits of choosing to be a good person, saying: “Blessed are the merciful … Blessed are the pure in heart … Blessed are the peacemakers.” And one of the most beloved Christians of all time, St. Francis of Assisi, captured this eternal wisdom: “For it is in giving that we receive.”
The benefit to others of a person being kind and open-minded is fairly obvious, but there are also profound benefits to anyone who makes the effort themselves. Barbara De Angelis put it this way: “Love and kindness are never wasted. They always make a difference. They bless the one who receives them, and they bless you, the giver.”
And the Swedish scientist, engineer, astronomer, theologian, philosopher, and mystic Emanuel Swedenborg provides an excellent description of the rewards of being kind: “Kindness is an inner desire that makes us want to do good things even if we do not get anything in return. It is the joy of our life to do them. When we do good things from this inner desire, there is kindness in everything we think, say, want, and do.”
There is even practical value in choosing to be good and kind. Natalie Angier reports that numerous studies show: “Scientists have discovered that the small, brave act of cooperating with another person, of choosing trust over cynicism, generosity over selfishness, makes the brain light up with quiet joy.”
Most everyone has felt this at moments, even when performing only a small act of generosity or kindness. Think back to a few such moments in your life.
Why, then, do we not act this way more often?
Sometimes because we feel we are too busy, we are afraid to fall behind on an ambitious schedule, or perhaps fear we will be considered weak or soft-hearted. Other times we are pulled in a different direction by another set of desires, such as to get ever more for ourselves, or to hold onto what we have accumulated. Some of us even give way to the urge to attempt to feel strong by making others feel weak, and a few even gain a perverse pleasure from causing pain to others, reveling in their misery.
The Universal Message
There is another way.
For thousands of years the universal message of the greatest teachers humanity has known has been that the path to fulfillment, meaning, and true happiness is to be a good person — to be kind to friends, neighbors, strangers, even to enemies; to be considerate of other people; to be respectful of the views and opinions of others, even if they are different from your own.
This same message, proclaimed by saints and sages the world over, has come down to us through the wisdom traditions of the world, shining forth in the Golden Rule, which has versions in almost every tradition, and is the core teaching of many. (The Golden Rule Project has hundreds of formulations of this universal teaching: https://www.goldenruleproject.org/)
All of these wisdom traditions grew out of the words and the inspiring examples of the lives of wise men and women through history who taught that there is something beyond pure self-interest, something that is available to all, and this “something” is the secret to fulfillment, meaning, and true happiness.
William James captured the essential message of all the wisdom traditions and religions of the world: “There is an unseen order, and … our supreme good lies in harmoniously adjusting ourselves thereto.” These wise ones not only spoke about this, but also lived it, and those around them saw the fruits of their lives and were inspired to try to follow the examples, using the guidance they provided.
Although the messages of the founders of the wisdom traditions were different in various ways, the Golden Rule was common to almost all, and its message is that we should be kind and considerate of other people. They said that there is an underlying force or energy for what is “good” that is grounded in this “unseen order,” and to be in harmony with it we should try to be kind, compassionate, considerate, and loving. This is the message of how to be with other people that will create beneficial relationships, peaceful communities, as well as deeply fulfilling lives for ourselves.
The wisdom traditions and the teachings of the founders gradually gave rise to the thousands of religions and branches of religions around the world. As a person trying to have a good life in the 21st century, what do we make of this universal message at the heart of the words of all the wisdom traditions? Where did the messages of the founders come from?
There are only three options:
1. The teachings of the founders of the wisdom traditions were their personal creations. Nothing lies behind their teachings except the thoughts and feelings that arose in the physical and mental functioning of each of those individuals.
2. There is one true belief, which arose from a founder or group of founders who had the only direct perception of the transcendent truth. Thus, the only way to live that will bring a good life in this world, and perhaps in the next, is to follow a specific set of commandments, precepts, and rules given by one specific belief system.
3. There is “something” beyond the material realm, an “unseen order” that transcends the physical aspects of reality. This transcendental dimension of existence gave rise to the wisdom traditions, and the founders of those traditions gained access to at least a partial glimpse of this truth and conveyed what they saw.
There is no proof for any one of these three possibilities, nor any logic that will demonstrate which is true. Likely there will never be any proof or argument that will convince a majority of human beings. That leaves each of us to decide for ourselves which to accept, which view to use to guide our lives. Like it or not, the choice you make will inevitably be an act of faith. We are all forced to make it, for each of us is always choosing, moment by moment, how we will act and the kind of person we will be. And our act of faith concerning what we believe about values, virtue, and meaning will inevitably guide our choices and our lives.
The Need To Become Conscious
The only way to avoid being a pawn of your unconscious is to become conscious of your deepest motives and the embedded beliefs that are determining your actions. The human mind gives us the power to choose a wide range of motives toward which we might live. Those who do not come to know themselves will be controlled by their self-centered urges and desires, their fears and anxieties, and whatever beliefs they were taught. These forces will control their lives, and they won’t even know it, and they will never know the higher possibilities that a human life can offer.
Simultaneously, the desire to have a positive self-image among those who are unconscious will create a steady stream of reasons and rationalizations to convince themselves, and everyone who will listen, that they have high-minded and idealistic motives. Our minds are wonderful rationalizing mechanisms, and work hard to justify whatever behaviors we undertake.
This is a common way to live, and it has its benefits, such as fitting into a healthy and stable community — if you happen to be born into and are still living in one. But few of us in the modern age find ourselves in such a situation, and throughout history, even those who seem to have had this kind of life were still quite limited in their possibilities.
The wisest among us have always known that discovering the full rewards of a human life requires moving beyond the control of the unconscious drives and motives within us. Only then will we be able to open into deep relationships unhindered by self-interest, find meaning that transcends personal ego desires, experience true love, and feel the joy that comes from moving into harmony with that which is larger than ourselves. This is precisely the reason Socrates insisted that coming to “know oneself” is crucial for finding a truly fulfilling life.
Socrates knew that many of the people he was speaking with were quite unconscious of themselves and their motives, and his speech at his trial called them to account, even though it put his life at greater risk. Jesus knew this when he said about those who crucified him, “They know not what they do.” The Buddha knew this, saying over and over that ill actions arise from ignorance, and this is the cause of suffering.
Only those who make a decision to become more conscious, make the necessary effort to move in that direction, and persist with determination are not controlled by their unconscious. Only then is a person able to make truly conscious choices about the beliefs, values, and meanings that will provide guidance and structure for a truly healthy and fulfilling life. Following this path, you gradually realize that you have the right and power to make conscious choices each day that are shaping the direction of your life and the person you are becoming.
Every culture has had stories to help with this journey — fairy tales, parables, myths, and the life stories of real people. The magnificent Lord of the Rings trilogy is the ultimate parable of our times, presenting images of various characters driven by an insatiable desire for power or wealth, others who just want to be left alone — to be safe and comfortable without having to become conscious about what is really going on, without having to make hard choices. And there are those who are willing to face the truth of their times and make an effort to do what is right, to serve the good.
The author of the Lord of the Rings, J.R.R. Tolkien, grew up during the early years of the modern era, when amazing new technologies were being developed that would radically change the world, including astonishing advances in transportation, communication, and military weaponry.
New empires were being created and vying for power and control, leading to the terrible destruction of World War I. Tolkien was in the middle of the horrific Battle of the Somme fought in 1916, in which British and French forces suffered approximately 60,000 casualties on the first day alone. Over the course of four months, 650,000 were lost in that one extended battle, including many of his friends and fellow soldiers.
He began the trilogy in 1937, just as another worldwide conflict was taking shape, wrote it as the unbelievably destructive World War II played out before his eyes (during which the death toll is estimated to be between 70 and 85 million human lives). The books were published a few years after the war came to an end, which gave Tolkien time to reflect on its lessons and to incorporate what he learned from both wars.
One of the main lessons of the novels has to do with the perpetual struggle we all face over whether to be a good person. A few characters seem to be power-hungry and ruthless from the start, and a few seem magically endowed with goodness. But everyone else is constantly faced with choices about who they will choose to be, whether they will align with the urge for power, or with the forces for good.
It is fascinating then, that amidst all the important and gifted characters, perhaps the most inspiring message comes from Samwise Gamgee, who comes from neither royalty, wealth, or power and has no magical abilities. He clearly represents those of us living a normal life, but who still have to deal with the events of our time.
Sam enters the main story when he volunteers to be the man-servant to a humble figure in his own right, Frodo the Hobbit — the Hobbits being farmers and tradesmen and homebodies. Because of their willingness to do what they can, Samwise and Frodo have had to face incredibly difficult challenges, but through their resourcefulness and courage they have survived. Yet that is not enough. Toward the end of the story they are about to undertake an almost impossible task, one which is likely to cost them their lives. As they talk about what lies ahead, Samwise reflects on their situation:
“It’s like in the great stories Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger they were, and sometimes you didn’t want to know the end. … But in the end, it’s only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something. Even if you were too small to understand why.
“But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back only they didn’t. Because they were holding on to something.”
Frodo: “What are we holding on to, Sam?”
Samwise Gamgee: “That there’s some good in this world, Mr. Frodo. And it’s worth fighting for.”
Samwise and Frodo both consciously chose to risk their lives over and over for something they believed in — for something “good” they felt was present in the world. This “good” could not be discovered or measured by any scientific instruments. It had nothing to do with getting a material reward of any kind. It was not about pleasurable experiences or being popular or wealthy. They did not think it would bring them personal power; in fact, they had to sacrifice the lure of personal power to serve this greater good. Yet they were willing to fight for this intangible something that they believed existed, even if it cost them their lives.
This is only a set of novels of course. But Tolkien had lived through two world wars, both World War I — “the war to end all wars” — and World War II, which was even more terrible and proved the lie of all such slogans. He had carefully observed the lure and intoxication of power and wealth, as well as the gullibility of so many to follow leaders who could charm and manipulate the masses. And the deaths of many friends and comrades impressed deeply on him the consequence of going along with those acting in bad faith, and telling oneself there was not a price to be paid.
Thus the trilogy is partly a reflection on what he had experienced and learned about human behavior — the mistakes we are prone to make, and how the choices we each make can lead to unimaginable outcomes. The novels are packed with the wisdom of a keen observer who had come to understand much about human nature.
Most of all, though, The Lord of the Rings is a cry from his heart to all of us to choose the good over delusion, what is right over fame or wealth and power — and a warning about the consequences if we do not.
The Battle Inside Each of Us
Tolkien saw clearly that without a belief that there is “something greater” than our individual selves, greater than our personal urges and desires, power will reign supreme, leading to a world in which values mean nothing and power rules all. Without a sense that a higher good actually exists, and that we are aligning with it in our efforts, why make an effort to be a good person? Only if we believe we are connected to something greater than our small, ego-centered selves will we have a reason to live for anything but our own personal desires.
There are, of course, a few people who do not seem to wrestle inside themselves with whether to be a good person — they want what they want and will try to get it any way they can. Most of us, however, feel a battle between the different sides of ourselves. On one side, we feel the pull to follow our selfish instincts and self-centered desires, but another part of us feels an inner urge to do what is right, to have concern for others. A lot of the hard choices in our lives involve which of these sides of ourselves to follow.
There are those among us who move consistently toward the Good, and we sense their goodness when we are around them. Many others are often pulled into the vortex of what Thoreau called “petty fears and petty pleasures.”
A few people seem to have won the battle for the good inside themselves. For them, the choice for the good in all situations just happens naturally. These are the saints and sages of history and legend.
On the other side, a few have chosen to give themselves over to the dark side of their natures, and we read about them in novels and see them in movies, as exemplified by the image of Darth Vadar. Unfortunately, we also read about them much too often in history — and in the news.
In fairy tales and myths of old they were the dragons, demons, monsters, and tricksters. Reading these stories at a deeper level, though, you discover that they are dramatic presentations of the dark currents we all feel, that they are pointing to urges and desires that reside in everyone’s unconscious. If a person is not to be controlled by them, they must be wrestled with and overcome, which means making them conscious and accepting that they are there, are a part of our own nature.
Self-centered urges and desires are not bad; they are a natural and necessary part of us, making possible a personal life in which we take care of our everyday needs and manage our relationships with other people. But if all our actions are governed by this narrow aspect of ourselves, we will not be a good person — and will never gain any of the prizes of becoming wise, whole, healthy, or fulfilled.
Since there have been stories through the ages about the difficult struggle to choose the good, it is clear that it has never been easy to be a good person. Today in our world, as it has always been, the path we take in our lives includes challenges, trials, and choices, some of which are quite difficult. How difficult it is to always choose the good is made vivid to me by the fact that I have never known anyone who was “good” all the time. Nor have I known anyone who was completely “bad” all the time either.
I have read about a few who seem to fit both categories, but I have never personally met a person who is wholly one or the other. I have known a few people who seem to be moving consistently toward the Good, and a few others who seem to have given themselves over mostly to the dark side, with only an occasional glimpse of the better person they could have been.
A modern novel, Breakfast with Buddha by Roland Merullo, captures well how this struggle everyone faces plays out in our day-to-day lives and offers sage advice about how to choose to move in the direction of the good. Numerous times through the years when I have been making a decision, one passage has come to mind. The setting is that the main character, Otto, is a skeptical, hard-nosed journalist who has been roped into driving a Buddhist monk across the upper Midwest of the U.S. by his sister. As the trip goes along, Otto begins to ask the monk questions, and this dialogue occurs:
Otto: Okay then, why are there evil people in the world? Why are there people who rape and kill and abuse and steal from other people and fly jetliners into buildings? Why is it set up this way?
Rinpoche lifted his hands, … and let them fall back to the tops of his thighs.
Every day, many times every day, you can go one way or the other way. You can go with anger, or not go. Go with greed, or not go. Go with hate, or not go. Go with eating too much or sexing too much, or not go. At many moments — two ways.
These feel like small things, small choices, but every day, across a life, if you choose the good way, again and again and again, in what you are thinking and what you are doing, if you choose to go away from anger, not toward, away from hate, not toward, away from falseness, not toward … then you become a good person — not stealing, not hurting others. Some people, like you, have been given a life where it is easier to turn the mind to the good. … Is this true?
Otto: Yes.
Rinpoche: So you have a small quiet space in your mind. And that quiet space gives you a chance to see deep, deep into the world, if you want to. That is a choice, yes?
You can take the opportunity you were given and look deep, or no.
Some people go the other way, little choice followed by little choice toward the bad and the selfish, hour after hour. Then such a person does not have a quiet space. That is the person who becomes the one who kills, who rapes, who hurts.
Otto: But why must the bad hurt the good? Why did they kill Jesus, and Gandhi, and Martin Luther King, and on and on?
Rinpoche: I don’t know why. I only know is. This is what the world is like and always has been. Always, since when all the ancient stories in all religions were made. Inside the big world, that you cannot control, you have inside the small world of you that you can control. In that small world, if you look, you can choose whether to go this way — toward good, or the other way, toward bad. That is what you can control.
When I recall this passage, I try to focus on what I can control — and each one of us has the power, as well as the right, to take control of our own views, beliefs, and actions. When we do this, and also make a decision to try to be a good person, we discover that we actually do have the power to consistently move in that direction. And if we do, we also discover that we feel better about ourselves, and even about the world around us.
The Difficulty of Choosing the Good in the Modern World
It is not easy, however, to choose the path of being kind and considerate and respecting others when living in a culture with constant messages that life is about getting as much as you can for yourself, that life is only about fulfilling your personal desires. We are bombarded by a continuous stream of advertisements through every kind of media offering to fulfill all our desires — if only we will buy a product, read a particular book, watch a video, or sign up for whatever the advertiser is offering. It is tempting to take the bait, without stopping to consider that the advertisements are being paid for by those who will gain something for themselves if you respond.
But if you feel it is not easy to be a good person in our culture, take a look back through history and you will discover it has never been easy. In past cultures, people always had to struggle with life challenges. The challenges varied somewhat from culture to culture, and even more from person to person, but many of our struggles are common to being alive.
Everyone has needs and desires that are not met, whether it is being in need of material resources, unfulfilled desires for acceptance, love, and recognition, rejection from longed-for lovers, or being told you lost a job or a prize or a competition. For some, the struggle is with the great temptation to do anything it takes to win, including going against deep values and bringing on internal anguish.
Those who grow up in luxury and are given an easy life in terms of their material needs often have to struggle with developing internal discipline, leading to a life without discipline that is wasted or debauched. Others work hard to climb the ladder of achievement, but developing so much ambition that they are consumed by it, leading to alienation from others, loneliness, even despair.
Charles Dickens wrote much in his novels about the suffering of the underclass during the First Industrial Revolution in Britain, but his classic story about Ebenezer Scrooge is a wonderful example of the struggles of a wealthy man in that era, and his final escape from his suffering. At the beginning we are introduced to a person who is unconsciously but relentlessly following the path of total self-centeredness — while constantly justifying his actions to himself and others. The result? He is wealthy but miserable. But after his fateful encounters on Christmas Eve, he makes a conscious decision to completely change directions — to adopt a radically different way of being. Overnight he becomes kind, considerate, and generous. The result? His personal happiness increases a thousand-fold.
The two images of Scrooge, both before and after that momentous night, are exaggerated for story-telling effect, but they serve well the purpose by presenting an example of how each of us has different sides of ourselves, and that it is possible to make a choice about which of our different “selves” we will choose to guide our lives.
For a moment, stop and consider this question: Which was the “real” Scrooge? Was the one before Christmas Eve who he really was, or was the “real” one we see after his dramatic change of character?
To me it seems clear that Dickens was emphasizing the fact that both were “real,” that like every other person, we each have different sets of motivations within us. And we have the capacity to choose which motivations we will choose to follow. Of course, this is exactly the counsel of countless wisdom figures throughout history, those who have found their own path to peace, contentment, fulfillment, meaning, and a deep kind of happiness.
Few of us, though, can count on the intervention of spectral spirits or other life-altering experiences to bring about a change of heart. Even if we could wish them into existence, life-altering events are often traumatic and painful, so seeking them is seldom a wise path. But in their absence, what else might bring a clear realization that we have a choice about the kind of person we will be, and guidance about the results of the different choices we can make?
The best answer I know is that the counsel of the wisest men and women through history, based upon their own experiences as well as their observations about the lives of others, is that a self-centered path never brings anyone a flourishing or fulfilling life. They have almost universally insisted that choosing the path of trying to be a good person, rather than focusing on self-centered urges and desires, is the only way to find peace, joy, and true happiness.
The reason is simple: We are not separate from other beings. Our lives are entwined with other people from the time we are born. We are inextricably part of the web of life, and we are connected to and dependent upon the currents of the “Unseen Order” from which existence itself arises and continuously flows. How could we separate our individual selves from other people and their influence and effect on us throughout our lives, especially in our early years? And how could anyone possibly imagine separating themselves from the currents of existence itself?
Woven into the fabric within which we exist — and the price of having a life — is the call to attend to the other parts of the web. Life is given to us; we did not earn the right to existence. But something is asked of us in return — to take care of the web of life, to help it be healthy and thrive. Caring for the natural world is one way to fulfill this obligation, and another is to live by the values and meanings that are necessary for the human community to function in health and harmony. This does not mean that we can, or should, try to fix everything. No one person can. The work of each of us is as Clare Pinkola Estes describes:
“Ours is not the task of fixing the entire world all at once, but of stretching out to mend the part of the world that is within our reach. Any small, calm thing that one soul can do to help another soul, to assist some portion of this poor suffering world, will help immensely. It is not given to us to know which acts, or by whom, the critical mass will tip toward an enduring good. What is needed for dramatic change is an accumulation of acts, adding, adding to, adding more, continuing.”
Choose Consciously or Be Enslaved by Your Unconscious
To be conscious, or not to be. That is the question.
All choices are made either consciously or unconsciously. The fact that many of our choices and decisions are made unconsciously is a good thing. Otherwise, we would spend all of our time deciding the same things over and over each day. Numerous actions necessarily have become part of our life routines, like what we will eat for breakfast or the toothpaste we will use. The problem is, our habits tend to take over the most important decisions of our lives.
If you have not become conscious of why you make the important decisions you make, your choices are being made for you. If you were raised to think and act in certain ways, you will have developed habits of thinking and acting in those ways, without making a conscious decision about whether they are wise or whether they will lead to positive outcomes. Without learning more about yourself and the world, you have no way to know whether the way you are living is good or bad, healthy or unhealthy.
Anyone who lives like this is under the control of their enculturation, enslaved to deeply embedded beliefs and values that could be unwise, unhealthy, or even cruel and malicious. Many children have been raised in cultures all over the world led by totally self-centered leaders, and there are many, many small groups and families in which someone manipulative or even cruel has had all the power.
The only way to be able to decide for yourself whether the path you have been taught is a healthy one is to explore other possibilities — to the point that you can make more conscious decisions. But breaking free from past enculturation is not enough, for there is a great tendency when we first break away from what we have been taught to reject all beliefs and rules and just focus on taking care of our own physical and emotional needs.
At first this seems like a good solution, and it can be a step in the right direction. But the danger is that it becomes very easy to spend all of our time fulfilling our own personal urges and desires — which means living out our lives as an unconscious mechanism, for we do not choose our basic urges and desires — they are just there in us. We did not consciously choose them.
When we let ourselves be ruled by these forces alone, we are living unconscious lives. If we reject the need for discipline, structure, and all belief systems, we use our advanced abilities to just fulfill self-centered urges and desires — always following our basic instincts to get what we want, completely unconscious to all the other possibilities of a full human life. We are then truly living by the proverbial “law of the jungle” and our motivations are not much different from those of a crocodile or a shark.
If you do not truly know yourself, you will be driven to get what you personally want any way you can, and you won’t even know it is happening. This does not mean you aren’t thinking — you will still be using the marvelous instrument of your brain; you will be using it fully. But only to fulfill your primal urges and desires and to provide rationalizations and justifications for your actions that sound high-minded or idealistic.
When someone living in this way is asked if they are conscious of what they are doing, they will almost certainly say yes — and they are aware of what they are doing. They have their reasons — history is littered with countless examples of those who claimed positive intentions for purely selfish actions. Just look at the various arguments put forward by political and even religious leaders to serve their own purposes — twisting the words of wise and kind spiritual figures into versions that are the opposite of what they actually taught. Leaders who justify war, mass slaughter, or enslaving others for their own benefit, while providing “rational” reasons for why they themselves should have power and wealth, or for why only their own beliefs are true and right.
There are a few people who are so sure their personal self-interests, getting what they personally want is the only thing that matters that they feel no need to justify their actions. Their lives are lived accordingly, focused on gaining enough power and wealth to fulfill their personal desires. It almost never ends well, though, whether in novels, fairy tales, myths, or actual history. Certainly all the wisdom figures through the ages warn against this path. Still, it is an alluring image to follow, thus many do. Those who are clever and skilled are able to attract others to the promising images they paint — the potential wealth, fame, and glory that can be had by joining them.
But following this path is the supreme example of being enslaved — enslaved by images of having everything you personally want, whether it is power, sex, pleasure, comfort, wealth, fame, or glory. Although those who follow the promptings of their instincts and desires might think they are making a choice, it is an illusion, for they are under the control of forces they do not understand. That is why they are so driven, and why they are never satisfied, no matter what they get.
Of course there are also cultures and families in which the children have been taught to try to be a good person, and they will act in that way — sometimes. The fly in the ointment again is the unconscious. If you do not understand yourself and your buried, unconscious motives, you will act to serve your own personal interests, but all the while justifying and rationalizing your self-centered actions as “being good or doing good.”
Equally problematic for those who are sincerely trying to be a good person without becoming conscious is that their fears, anxieties, and insecurities often arise out of troubling events and bad circumstances in their past, or from harmful ways other people treated them. And they develop unconscious ways of responding — patterns of reaction that are not healthy. They might be useful adaptations at the time, but when continued into later life, lead to problems, especially in their relationships with other people.
Again, in this situation, our ability to rationalize our actions to ourselves provides justifications that seem to make sense — but only to us, and seldom lead to healthy actions, or lives.
Is Making Conscious Decisions Even Possible?
Every living creature has a set of primal urges and desires, and all feel a drive to fulfill them. We humans are no different in this regard. Each species has a somewhat different set, and different tools to fulfill them, but if we only use our abilities to fulfill our primal urges, we are not really different from those crocodiles or ants. There are those in the modern world who insist we really are no different.
The idea that all animals are purely mechanisms governed by the “law of the jungle” was crystalized by René Descartes and became popular in the 17th century. To his credit, Descartes insisted that human beings are different, that our conscious minds give us the ability to choose one way of being over another — aligning his thought with wisdom figures through the ages.
Quite amazingly, a significant school of thought extended his view that all animals are strictly mechanisms to include all human beings as well. One branch of this theory that developed in the late 19th century was Social Darwinism, which claimed that all living things are motivated solely by the underlying urge of “survival of the fittest.”
It is understandable why those who think only of themselves would embrace this theory — anyone who wishes to justify their unbridled pursuit of self-centered ambitions above all else. So this theory fit neatly with the drive of ruthless strivers of the late 19th century who wished to justify their personal desires to accumulate as much wealth and power as they could — by any means possible. But does anyone embrace it today?
Absolutely. This view lives on and has even gained traction among those who are determined to provide a materialistic explanation for all human behavior. Just look at the influence and positive reviews of books by Richard Dawkins on his “selfish gene’ theory, by Daniel Dennett on his view that we are nothing but machines that have programmed behaviors, while our own perceptions of having a real inner life and the ability to make choices is an illusion. Look at very recent books like Determined: A Science of Life Without Free Will by neurobiologist Robert Sapolsky and Free Will by Sam Harris that dismiss the existence of a human ability to make conscious choices.
These authors and numerous others argue for the radically extreme view that all living things, including we humans, are mechanisms whose actions are controlled and directed by material forces alone. They argue that every wish, desire, and action is a product of chemical and electrical interactions within the brain — over which we have no conscious control. In this view, consciousness is solely a by-product of materialistic forces, and we have no real ability to choose anything, and believing that we have the ability to make conscious choices is merely an illusion.
Some of these authors try to avoid its true implications of their basic theory in one way or another, but no matter how hard they try, if consciousness is created by mechanistic operations within the brain alone, then we are no different from alligators, crocodiles, or ants in how our motivations arise. Although different species have widely differing abilities and different programming, each creature is just mindlessly following its programming, and we have no ability to make conscious choices — whether we think so or not.
Without question, some people do let their basic urges and desires control them, and in a way they are not so different from ants in an ant colony — just following different cultural conditioning and different basic impulses. But is every single person motivated solely by basic urges and desires only? Do those who let their self-centered drives and cultural training control their lives make up all of humanity?
The lives of countless noble, loving, wise, saintly, and self-sacrificing individuals through the ages gives the lie to this theory. We do not all act just to satisfy our personal desires, to have pleasurable experiences, and to avoid pain and danger. Some people do live this way, but those who do never discover the rewards of making a conscious decision to serve a higher good, never feel the inner glow that comes from serving others, never experience the fulfillment that comes from taking actions toward being a good person, or from aligning with the larger currents within which we exist.
The fact that some people do not discover these possibilities does not mean the rest of us cannot. We need not be ruled by these theories. Instead, we can follow the guidance of countless wise men and women through the ages who have insisted that we can become conscious, that we can choose how we will live and act. For myself, all I have to do is read the stories of the lives of those who have chosen to seek “the Good, the True, and the Beautiful” to be encouraged to seek the same fulfillment and joy they found. For instance, Henry David Thoreau took conscious control of his life and discovered this:
“I know of no more encouraging fact than the unquestionable ability of man to elevate his life by a conscious endeavor.”
“By a conscious effort of the mind we can stand aloof from actions and their consequences.”
And Thoreau experienced many, many moments that brought incredible rewards:
“To him whose elastic and vigorous thought keeps pace with the sun, the day is a perpetual morning. It matters not what the clocks say, or the attitudes and labors of men. Morning is when I am awake, and there is a dawn in me.”
“The true harvest of my daily life is as intangible and indescribable as the colors of morning or evening. It is a little star-dust caught, a segment of the rainbow, which I have clutched.”
There are thousands of great beings who have demonstrated the ability to become conscious — and who told us we each have the same ability, told us that we can make conscious decisions about who we will be. They insist that we can choose to live by values and meanings that are a part of the fabric of the universe itself. Instead of being slaves to our basic drives and conditioning, we can choose to make an effort to be a good person, and they insist this is the only path anyone will ever find to a truly fulfilling life.
This path is sometimes difficult, of course, because it requires coming to know ourselves fully. We have to face the darkest urges in our natures — and overcome them. Overcoming does not mean denying or destroying them, however, but getting to know them, making them conscious and learning to work with them so that they don’t take over our lives. As Barry Lopez put it in his book Arctic Dreams:
“No culture has yet solved the dilemma each has faced with the growth of a conscious mind: how to live a moral and compassionate existence when one is fully aware of the blood, the horror inherent in all life, when one finds darkness not only in one’s own culture but within oneself. If there is a stage at which an individual life becomes truly adult, it must be when one grasps the irony in its unfolding and accepts responsibility for a life lived in the midst of such paradox. One must live in the middle of contradiction … There are simply no answers to some of the great pressing questions. You continue to live them out, making your life a worthy expression of leaning into the light.”
For those who choose to lean into the light with courage and integrity, they find a great prize to be won, a pearl without price. By learning to work with what seemed like the darkness in ourselves — the urges, desires and thoughts that had been shoved into the unconscious — and by integrating these shadow elements into the conscious whole of ourselves, we discover that we are able to use the life energy stored in these dark recesses of ourselves in healthy and rewarding ways.
This does not happen all at once, of course, but is a continuous, lifelong process. Throughout our lives we go back and forth between the different currents as we make our choices each day — sometimes choosing to try to be a good person, sometimes not. But the more we lean toward the good, the more we find ourselves aligning with the harmony of the larger currents within which we exist, the more we find the true fulfillment, joy, and peace this path can bring.
The Best Time Is Always Now
The best time to choose the path of leaning into the light is this moment, right now. No matter what has happened before in your life, this choice is always open to you. No matter where you are on the spectrum between good choices and bad, it is never too late. Even those who have made many terrible choices at any moment can change course. Besides the fictional story of Scrooge there are countless real people who, after choosing narrow self-interest, even evil actions earlier in their lives, started making a sincere effort to be a good person — and the results were deeply rewarding.
This is the message of Jesus’ parable of the vineyard owner hiring workers throughout the day. No matter when they began, all received the same pay. Those who started working at the end of the day received the same amount as those who started work early in the day. (This did not, of course, please some of those who worked the whole day. Even though they received the pay they were promised, they resented that those who arrived late were equally rewarded — not a very charitable-minded attitude.)
The Buddha’s encounter with the murderer Angulimala, a serial killer who had taken many lives, provides another vivid example of the possibility of change and redemption. Angulimala had even tried to kill the Buddha, but after he experienced the Buddha’s compassionate response, the murderer became a monk and even attained enlightenment, demonstrating that even the most evil person can successfully change and not be denied fulfillment.
Also in the Buddhist tradition, the life of Milarepa is a dramatic example of a person choosing to make a complete change. His mother had raised him to believe his mission in life was to take revenge on those she felt had wronged her. Milarepa trained for years to be able to fulfill this mission and was so skilled that he unleashed a tide of destruction resulting in many deaths.
After murdering a number of his relatives who his mother had accused of stealing their inheritance, though, Milarepa experienced intense remorse and sought guidance from a Buddhist teacher on how to change his ways. It took several years, intense effort, and much suffering on his part, but he eventually succeeded and became one of the greatest Tibetan teachers and saints in history.
Another vivid example of redemption in Christianity is conveyed powerfully by the life of Saul, who was engaged in torturing and killing Christians. After a dramatic, life-changing experience on the road to Damascus, however, he transformed completely and emerged as St. Paul, one of the most influential individuals in history.
His life-path after his change of heart was not to be smooth and easy, though, for Paul was frequently mocked, even stoned and imprisoned. For some of us, perhaps suffering is necessary for a radical change to genuinely take hold, or for a truly exemplary character to be molded. As Kahlil Gibran put it:
“Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls. The most massive characters are seared with scars.”
The examples of those who have changed the course of their lives for the better, even at a late age, could be multiplied endlessly, but all convey the same message — it is never too late. No matter how you have lived or the mistakes you have made, it is never too late to choose to become a good person.
For those who do wish to change, the question then becomes: How? How do I change my old ways and become a different person? The simplest place to start is to look at the guidance that is common to all the wisdom traditions and religions of the world — the Golden Rule. They all give the same guidance, usually in one sentence.
From the monotheistic traditions originating in the Middle East:
Christianity. “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”
Judaism. “What is hateful to you, do not to your fellow man. That is the entire law; all the rest is commentary.”
Islam. “No one of you is a believer until he desires for his brother that which he desires for himself.”
From the traditions originating in China:
Confucianism. “Surely it is the maxim of loving kindness; do not unto others what you would not have them do unto you.”
Taoism. “Regard your neighbor’s gain as your own gain and your neighbor’s loss as your own loss.”
From the traditions originating in India:
Hinduism. “This is the sum of duty: Do naught unto others which would cause you pain if done to you.”
Buddhism. “Hurt not others in ways that you yourself would find harmful.”
From the Greek philosophers:
Socrates. “Do not do to others that which would anger you if others did it to you.”
Epictetus. “What you would avoid suffering yourself, seek not to impose upon others.”
And from very early traditions:
Zoroastrianism. “That nature alone is good which refrains from doing unto another whatsoever is not good for itself.”
Native American proverb (from the Pima tribe) “Do not wrong or hate your neighbor. For it is not he who you wrong, but yourself.”
In the 18th century, at the dawn of modern philosophy, one of its primary influencers, Immanuel Kant, gave his version of this rule, which he felt he derived through reason. He called it the “categorical imperative,” because it was the first and foremost imperative for any healthy and well-lived life: “Act only according to that maxim whereby you can at the same time will that it should become a universal law.”
This message is universal, I believe, because anyone who gets in touch with the deeper currents within themselves feels its message stirring, feels an urge to be a good person, to be considerate of others and try to live in harmony with them. This is the call of our conscience, the still small voice we hear in quiet moments — if we listen. Some understand it as the sacred dimension whispering to us, perhaps the Holy Spirit, while others think of it as our inherent Buddha nature calling us toward it. Wherever it comes from, most people have felt it at moments, and wise teachers gave it voice and are still delivering its message in modern times.
Zen teacher Suzuki Roshi was asked by a student:
“You said we should extend ourselves in practice. In what direction should we extend ourselves?”
His answer was simple:
“There is no direction but to be kind to everyone, one by one.”
When the famous novelist and philosopher Aldous Huxley was approaching death, he was asked what he had learned from a lifetime of study and explorations. His answer was six simple words:
“Try to be a little kinder.”
And a century ago Albert Schweitzer, the world-famous German musician, physician, writer, humanitarian, and philosopher emphasized the importance of being kind and helping others in order to have a fulfilling life:
“I don’t know what your destiny will be, but one thing I do know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who have sought, and found how to serve.”
These statements — by Suzuki Roshi, Aldous Huxley, and Albert Schweitzer — were each made at a late stage in life by three men in the modern world who had spent a lifetime attempting to understand what was truly important. And their conclusions fit perfectly with my own experience. I have known hundreds of people who achieved worldly success, but whatever wealth or fame or power they accumulated, only those who had learned to be kind, considerate, and caring of others seemed to be happy with their lives. No one I have known seemed happy, content, or at peace except those who had developed a benevolent attitude toward others.
This has certainly been true for me during the various stages of my life. During the times I have been the most self-absorbed or self-centered, the fewer good feelings I had about myself and my life — while during the times I focused on care and concern for others, my spirits always rose.
Now, as this pattern has become increasingly clear to me, at those times when I feel like I am losing my way I return again and again to the words of the wisest teachers I know, which are included in this essay. A few more to end:
The Buddha:
The perfume of sandalwood,
The scent of rosemary and jasmine,
Travel only so far in the wind.
But the fragrance of goodness travels with us through all the worlds.
Like garlands woven from a heap of flowers,
Fashion your life as a garland of beautiful deeds.
The Hebrew Book of Proverbs: “Whoever pursues righteousness and kindness will find life, righteousness, and honor.”
The Koran: “Do good to parents, kinfolk, those in need, neighbors who are near, neighbors who are strangers … The companion by your side, the wayfarer ye meet. Do good.”
And perhaps the most dramatic and difficult of all,
Jesus saying, “Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you.”
It is vividly clear in this tumultuous and contentious time in which we live that a lot of the people around us are not choosing the path of trying to be a good person. Further, there is no proof you can provide to the skeptics about why it is best to live this way. The best argument anyone can provide is through the example of their own life.
Still, in these troubled times, it is not easy for me to stay true to my own convictions. When I falter, though, I return to the words of the wisest teachers I know: When Socrates was on trial for his life, he said:
“One should never … mistreat any man, no matter how one has been mistreated by him.”
And one of the Buddha’s most important warnings:
“Hatred never ceases by hatred, but by love alone is healed. This is an ancient and eternal law.”
And Jesus declared that one of the two most important rules to live by is:
“Love thy neighbor as thyself.”
If you need further encouragement to continue on this path yourself, just look to the examples of the wise men and women through the ages whose lives bore the fruit of fulfillment, peace, and contentment.
And please remember, whatever choices you have made up to this point, change is always possible, even radical change. Each of us is making crucial choices right now about the direction in which we will focus our will and our intention, and these choices are determining how we will live and the person we will become.
What will be your direction?
May you have a wonderful spring.
David
For other essays in this series, go to: A Meaningful Life