Community and Freedom 7 – May 7, 2019
(This is the 7th in a series. The first six parts can be found here – Community and Freedom, Community and Freedom 2, Community and Freedom 3, Community Freedom 4, Community and Freedom 5, Community and Freedom 6
The Essential Ingredient for Healthy Communities
Good afternoon,
My mother grew up in an isolated, rural area. Their nearest neighbor was about a mile away and there was a small country store at a distance of about 2 miles. They had to walk to school, which was about 5 miles, and the only transportation besides walking was a mule-drawn wagon. There were about 30 families stretched up and down their 10-mile-long farming valley, and no one had electricity, running water, indoor plumbing, or any of the modern conveniences we take for granted. My grandmother relied on a large cast-iron wood-burning stove to cook meals and a single fireplace heated the 4 rooms. Kerosene lamps provided the only light at night, a washtub served for bathing, and there was, 100 feet away from the house, a two-seater outhouse – which kinda shocked me when I first visited it on my own as a small boy. My grandparents grew almost everything they ate; made what they used; fields were plowed with a team of mules; most labor was by hand – and yet they managed to raise 6 children who all had pretty good lives. All but one of the 8 lived into advanced old age, and they seemed as happy as most people I know today. Probably happier.
But here is the point I want to make: My mother grew up in a thriving community. People were spread out, with few transportation options. They didn’t see other families very much. But they always pitched in to help each other in times of need. When there was a social occasion, like a holiday or wedding, they made the most of it. My grandfather was always inviting people for lunch after church, and visitors would usually stay for the better part of the afternoon. (My grandmother seemed to coax an amazing amount of delicious food out of that old stove, all of which had been grown on the farm).
The larger point is that most everyone in the world for thousands of years grew up in a community that passed along traditions and values, and those communities came with ready-made relationships that gave members a sense of belonging and connection. This was true not only in the countryside, but in cities as well, where neighborhoods functioned as the source of identity, providing a “home ground” for those living in the neighborhood. Then, as transportation and communication possibilities expanded, people in cities formed communities around shared interests of various kinds (churches, crafts, special skills, special interests, etc.).
Of course, some of these communities were not healthy. For various reasons, unhealthy beliefs and habits can infect a community. There are communities in which a critical mass of the people are overly judgmental, harsh, exclusive, fearful, or paranoid. None of these traits make for healthy communities. At the extreme, unhealthy values and practices can predominate – the folks in a mafia family are living in a community, as are members of violent street gangs.
Whether healthy or unhealthy, however, most humans, when they were old enough to think about who they were, came to know themselves as part of a specific community – their identity was embedded there. Most didn’t think about this – their community was simply a given, a central part of who they were. Those who left their original communities, for whatever reason, almost always joined or created another – switching their allegiance to the new one. Crucially, in all these communities, the young were taught that it was their responsibility to give back to the community, to support, protect, and value it. The degree to which this was taught in each place varied enormously, but every community in the past did this to a significant degree. The dramatic impact of this enculturation can be seen in the millions upon millions who fought, and sometimes died, for tribe, country, or nation – as well as the time, energy, and money people have invested in helping each other and their communities solve pressing problems and recover from crises.
As discussed earlier, however, this commitment to community has been breaking down in the U. S. and other parts of the world since the end of World War II. There are many reasons for this, both good and bad. Some were discussed in earlier essays, including the changes modernity has brought and the increasing emphasis on individuality. Another set of reasons has to do with mistakes communities and nations have made: too many unnecessary and ever-more-destructive wars have been fought; the erosion of a moral sense in leaders has freed too many to use government offices for personal gain; the use of governments by in-groups to take advantage of others has created anger, bitterness, and strife. Although present throughout history, these bad actions have increased in the modern world, which has eroded peoples’ faith in leadership and made us less likely to support and give to our community or country.
Which brings us to the crises of today – the erosion of connections and healthy communities has resulted in increasing numbers of people feeling isolated, alienated, cut off, depressed, anxious, alone. Johann Hari makes a strong case (in his 2018 book Lost Connections: Uncovering the Real Causes of Depression and the Unexpected Solutions) that most of our modern ills can be traced to the breakdown of communities and our lost connections with each other. Hari gives example after example of how this has resulted in the modern ills of loneliness, depression, suicide, drug abuse, broken families, and all the rest.
I would add that the proliferation of hate groups, groups fueled by anger and resentment, unhealthy groups of all kinds around the world, is a result of the breakdown of healthy communities. Since people need the connections communities provide, if these needs are not met, many turn to gangs, demagogues, and those who promote “us versus them” thinking for a short-term fix, a “sugar high” of feeling solidarity with a group of “insiders.” It is some consolation to realize that unhealthy and pseudo-communities always end badly – with violence, wars, corruption, and insiders finally turning on each other. Unfortunately for us all, however, they can wreak havoc before they collapse (look no further than the Nazis in mid-20h century Europe for a terrifying example).
Perhaps the heart of our dilemma today is that we need community as much as our ancestors, but, having been raised on a diet of individualism and the necessity of taking care of ourselves, we don’t know how to build and nurture them. Many of us search for community, but the search is driven by a desire to get our own needs met. We look for people to support us, understand us, appreciate us, agree with us, and to be available when it suits our desires. But this is the exact opposite of what communities need to prosper. Searching for true community in this way almost insures we will fail.
What, then, is the essential ingredient for healthy communities? A critical mass of members must live from the maxim “it is in giving that we receive.” In a healthy community, what we receive will be determined to a great extent by what we give. Only those communities will be healthy and successful in which a lot of members, a significant part of the time, are focused on helping each other, supporting each other, giving their time and energy toward fulfilling the community’s needs and goals. St. Francis of Assisi created a thriving community that had a profound impact on millions, and his underlying message is captured in a prayer, in which he asks that he “not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood as to understand; to be loved as to love. For it is in giving that we receive.”
As mentioned earlier, most people throughout history have been enculturated to support their communities. There were always some who didn’t do a very good job of this, but in successful communities, a lot did. They did not do this perfectly, but sufficiently. In much of the modern world, however, the enculturation to give is not happening; it has been replaced by an emphasis on individual freedom, autonomy, and self-fulfillment. These things are not bad, but the emphasis is out of balance for too many of us, leading to an excess of narcissism. Compounding the problem is that this “look out for yourself” attitude has increased the tendency of leaders to do the same, fostering increased corruption and weakened communities.
So, the dilemma we face is that many modern people have tasted the elixir of freedom – and it is an intoxicating drink. Having gained this knowledge, how do we keep it from destroying one of the foundations of our own well-being – the ability to live in healthy and nurturing relationships with other people? It is unlikely we can go back to having the majority of us live from an unconscious enculturation of sacrifice for the community. That genie is out of the bottle. Perhaps the only way forward is for you and me and enough of those around us to consciously choose to give generously to the people and groups with which we are involved.
The message that we would be wise to choose this path comes from many sources.
Winston Churchill: “We make a living by what we get. We make a life by what we give.”
Cicero: “In nothing do men more nearly approach the Gods, than by doing good to their fellow man.”
Martin Luther King, Jr: “Life’s most persistent and urgent question is, What are you doing for others?”
Muhammed: “A person’s true wealth is the good that person does in the world.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson: “To share often and much … to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.”
The Dalai Lama: “Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.”
Viktor Frankl brought this same message from the Nazi death camps, describing those who went about helping others, even while enduring their own suffering, as those who seemed to have transcended their circumstances and found an inner peace. Frankl went on to spend the rest of his long life teaching that fulfillment as a human being “always points, and is directed, to something or someone other than oneself.” “The more one forgets himself – by giving himself to a cause to serve or another person to love – the more human he is and the more he actualizes himself.”
Psychologist Roy Baumeister follows the thought of Frankl: “By putting aside our selfish interests to serve someone or something larger than ourselves – by devoting our lives to ‘giving’ rather than ‘taking’ – we are expressing our fundamental humanity.”
In ancient China, countless sages pondered how to have a good life, and most all came to the conclusion that being considerate and giving in relationships was central. This was certainly the message of Confucius: “He who wishes to secure the good of others has already secured his own.”
A Chinese proverb:
If you want happiness for an hour – take a nap.
If you want happiness for a day – go fishing.
If you want happiness for a month – get married.
If you want happiness for a year – inherit a fortune.
If you want happiness for a lifetime – help someone else.
Reflection: If we need healthy communities in order to have fulfilling lives, will you consciously choose to give sufficiently to your community or communities so they might thrive? And, how can we persuade enough of our compatriots to invest in mutual care and concern for one another so we might have the communities we need?
Take care,
David